Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
