My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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