hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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