why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
