he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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