Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just had sex bonerless
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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