worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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