I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i now understand why vodka
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
