Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
