i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
