so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
