a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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