never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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