I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
