I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
