i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
