So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
