it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
