College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
