I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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