Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
