Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
