i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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