I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The air was thick with penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
