But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
