You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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