I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
