i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
