Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
