Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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