I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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