you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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