Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
