Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
