Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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