my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
