If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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