I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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