How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't turn off my feet"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
