obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
