You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
