is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
