haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
