You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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