We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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