I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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