3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he shaved USA in his pubs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
