she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
