i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
