I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
