Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
