So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
