hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
