Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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