In the future we'll all be gay
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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