when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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